We all have those days. We are just plain grumpy.

You know the feeling. You can’t put your finger on one thing you are angry about or sad about. You just feel grouchy. Every little thing bothers you. 

I had one of those days this week. What causes it?   

If we go back to my resiliency analogy of a resource tank, there have likely been some big draws on your resources lately - could be high stressors, not enough sleep, poor eating, not processing emotions adequately, disappointments, etc. 

Sometimes we want to sit in that space. Sometimes grumpiness feels like a good old companion. However, that’s bull. The truth may be that there are some emotions we need to feel but generalized grumpiness will not really help us to do that. 

What helps?  

1. Admit to yourself that you are grumpy. Own it. The alternative is that you will spend the day noticing how stupid and annoying everyone around you is being. 

2. Admit it to the people close to you. This is not so that you have license to continue being a grouch all day but so that they don’t have to feel like they have or are doing something wrong, all day. You don’t like having to walk on eggshells around someone and neither do they. 

3. Do an inventory to see what has been draining your tank. This is usually most effective with a pen and paper. It keeps us from going in loops in our brain and it helps jolt us out of any patterns of denial that may have settled in. 

4. Get a game plan for the items on the list that you can do something about - that may include some emotional productive grief work (different from settling in to self-pity). Acknowledging, feeling, forgiving, redefining relationships, etc. Perhaps you need an additional resource in your life for a specific situation. 

5. Create strategy for how you will fill your tank back up.  What works best for you - a walk, nature, a hobby, time with a specific friend, an intense workout? 

6. Plan ahead for situations that you know may be big triggers for you.  For part of my audience, we will be celebrating Thanksgiving this week. Family get-togethers usually have a few predictable triggers. Give yourself permission to not fall in to old unhealthy patterns.  

7. Know your love language and ask the people closest to you to love on you. Depending on how you hear love that could be a long hug, doing the dishes, bringing you home a small gift, sitting down and listening to you or taking time to acknowledge you and your strengths. Whatever you know would help. 

I’m thankful to be a Canadian living in the US. I get to be twice as thankful. Here’s the last bit of advice. Even in our grumpiness if we take time to think about and list what we are grateful for it actually does something to our brain. Our brain can’t be anxious and grateful at the same time. How cool is that! 

Until next week,  

Marilyn 

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