If you have been my client you have likely heard me say "I'm completely comfortable with your discomfort". It gets a hilarious response each time - but it's true.
It hasn't always been so. In fact I was exceptionally good at rescuing, hiding, giving in and avoidance.
What convinced and empowered me to stop doing that for (to) people?
- Noticing it didn't actually help in the long-run
- Getting tired of giving when it was always expected
- Finally, some "aha" moments.
When we allow someone to carry their own load we are allowing them an opportunity to grow. When we don't rescue them we send them a loud clear message that we believe they are capable. Sometimes the other person does not believe they are capable and pushes back.
When I am not rescued I discover strengths and abilities I didn't know I had.
The fact is that not rescuing someone may put you squarely in your "discomfort zone".
Letting someone off the hook, giving someone a break, being compassionate - these can all be stories that we tell ourselves when what is actually appropriate in a specific situation is holding someone accountable for actions that their job or relationship rightfully asks for.
There is a line that needs acknowledging between positive disruption and disruption for destructive reasons. Not all disruption ends in growth and breakthrough. This is not about a lack of compassion or about a mis-use of power. We can simultaneously care for the person, ask for them to step-up and cause positive disruption. As leaders it is imperative that we know how far to push, why we are pushing and what the safety nets are.
Who have you been rescuing?
Where have you been letting and encouraging people to rescue you?
Posted on Wed, March 9, 2016
by Marilyn Orr filed under