I love mini-series so I thought I’d go ahead and create one. Spoiler-alert - it won’t have the same tension and suspense as a good Netflix original but will hopefully be somewhat entertaining, educational and motivating.
If you research archetypes there are a bunch of them: Magician, Slave, Wounded Child, Victim, Martyr, Missionary, Rebel, Healer, Saboteur, and Prostitute to name just some!
Since I said mini-series, I’m only going to tackle a few of these. Today, let’s talk about “Victim”.
We all know those people who always feel hard-done-by. Things happen to them so often. It’s not their fault. You should feel sorry for them.
Victims are very good at having reasons why they couldn’t do something, didn't do something or did a bd job at something. They are expert at making subtle comments clearly laying (part of) the blame on someone else or something else.
I hope you are feeling a little tension. Most, not all, of us have a little “victim” in us. Those who don't have likely worked very hard at owning their own stuff and welcomed accountability, letting go of ego!
Perhaps "victim" is something you identify with strongly and have actually put on as part of your identity for years as a way of protecting yourself. Or, it may be something you have worked hard at letting go of for years. No matter. This is a journey we share. Let’s focus on how we can be more free and more empowered moving forward!
What does this victim way of showing up do for us?
- It let’s us feel less disappointed in ourselves
- It gives us the illusion that we aren’t powerful so people shouldn’t expect too much of us
- Jointly it is a message we send to others to not expect too much of us
- We, at least initially, gain sympathy from others
- We get away with not doing things or not doing them well
What does it cost us?
- It minimizes our opportunity to celebrate our successes because we don't feel connected to making them happen
- We alienate people because they get tired of being blamed
- We alienate people because they get tired of having to do the heavy lifting
- We don't get invited to opportunities as much because people have listened to us and don't expect much any more
- With a victim mindset we limit our dreams and create a small existence for ourselves.
So, how do we move away from victim?
- First, notice yourself blaming, guilt-tripping and feeling resentful of others
- Reflect on recent times when you have credited something else or someone else with journal a new version where you focus on what you could have done differently
- Start in safe relationships where you feel loved and ask people to point out to you when they feel like you are wearing your "victim" outfit
- Act like you are in a 12-step program and initiate conversations with people in our life where we may have used the victim mindset and alienated the other person and be willing to listen without defending to their observations
- Realize that you are stronger than you have believed or let on - perhaps there are some self-affirmations you need to write and read often!
I'll leave you with a quote from wise Stephen Covey. It is empowering because when we take ownership and embrace the power we do have we can make better decisions and change our circumstances and experience within them!
Until next week!
Posted on Thu, July 7, 2016
by Marilyn Orr filed under